Parody

 The other day, for the first time in a very long time, I heard the Barbie Song. So, being me, I decided to parody it, in hour of Alianore Audley and The Mists of Middleham her newly published adventure.

I hope you enjoy it. (My usual twisted sense of humour does not appeal to all.)

Hiya, Alianore!

Hi, Roger!

Ready to go to Mass?

Sure!

Come on then!

I’m a Yorkist girl, in a Yorkist world,

We haven’t any plastic, it’s fantastic.

Never any stress, three girls to help me dress,

You have to know your station; it’s that kind of nation.

Come on Alianore! Let’s get to chapel!

Pregnant every year, no obstetric care,

Grit your teeth and pray, you know it’s just God’s way.

To work I need not go; just sit at home and sew.

Life’s not so very pleasant, but better than a peasant’s.

I have to hide my hair, or I might as well be bare.

Shave my forehead clean, naked as a bean.

It’s plucking that I hate, makes me so irate.

But it’s all the fashion, it has to be my passion.

My lord has all the cash. I cannot make a splash.

Life can oft be funny, I still don’t have no money!

At least he treats me well. No bruises you can tell.

It could be ten times worse, I could be on a hearse.

Come on Alianore, let’s go to Middleham!

Middleham is freezing; I am always sneezing.

I wait upon the Duchess, nothing there can touch us.

I can brush her hair, kneel before her chair.

It’s a super job; I’m part of Richard’s ‘blob’.

I’m a Yorkist girl, in a Yorkist world,

We haven’t any plastic, it’s fantastic.

Never any stress, three girls to help me dress,

You have to know your station; it’s that kind of nation.

Come on Alianore! Let’s ride up Coverdale!

Oh, I can’t wait, Roger!

My website

 My website which has been sadly neglected has been updated and may be found here.

At the present, the site is mainly about my books and future plans for more.

Alianore Audley

I just wanted to mention that a new paperback version of The Adventures of Alianore Audley is now available from Amazon, with a prettier cover and some improvements to the text.

A revised kindle version is to be had too, at a slightly lower price, and a hardback version should soon appear too! (For those who like their books to be reassuringly expensive.)

In case anyone is unfamiliar with Alianore I should stress this is a light-hearted book, not meant to be taken too seriously.

Alianore Audley

The Adventures of Alianore Audley is now available through Amazon in Kindle format. I am currently checking a proof for a new printed version for the traditionalists among you. This will be a slightly larger format than the former Bewrite edition, and should be available shortly, also through Amazon.

For those of you are millionaires, there is also a de luxe version available through Blurb, including a hardback edition. But cheap it is not! The forthcoming paperback should be a lot more reasonable.

Work continued slowly on Alianore Audley and the Holy Grail. No promises as to when this will be forthcoming, but I will get there. I have put too much effort into it now for it to be abandoned.

Also on the stocks is a small factual work Frustrated Falcons which is about Edmund of Langley's three children. I am looking for my notes on Edward, the 2nd duke, which I need before I complete it. I think I can describe this little book as 'forthcoming'.

The Adventures of Alianore Audley

Bewrite, who publish The Adventures of Alianore Audley have decided to stop printing books. All books, not just mine. This means that if you want a print copy you had better move swiftly while they are still to be had. You may already be too late, depending on what (if any) stocks are held.

The good news is that it will still be available in e-format, for Kindle, etc.

I now have the copyright back for the print version, and theoretically, if I can find a publisher interested in doing a print-only version, a new version might emerge at some point. Any offers gratefully received. (I've always thought an illustrated version would be fun, just need a cartoonist.)

You have this news almost as soon as I had

Northampton

The Lancastrian army was drawn up in the grounds of Delapre Abbey behind a prepared defence of ditch and palisade and on the face of it was in a very strong position. On the other hand they had the River Nene at their back, less than an ideal tactical situation. Presumably they were confident their defences were likely to withstand the Yorkist attack because no sensible person wants to retreat across a river in the immediate aftermath of a defeat.

The morning of 10 July was spent in fruitless negotiation. Warwick kept finding ways to ask for an interview with Henry VI and Buckingham (Lord Constable and Henry's military commander) kept finding ways of saying 'no.' Whether discussion would have achieved anything is questionable, but maybe the Lancastrian leaders feared that Henry would settle for some compromise and were confident of victory.

It is one of the curiousities of the Wars of the Roses that the side that attacked boldly tended to win over the one holding a defensive line. At two o' clock in the afternoon the Yorkists went forward in heavy rain - well, it was England in July! The Lancastrian cannons did not appreciate the weather and worked poorly and it may be that the archers' effectiveness was also reduced, as bow-strings were very vulnerable to water. (Archers usually hid their strings under their hats if marching in wet weather.)

However the key factor was the decision of Lord Grey de Ruthin, on the Lancastrian flank, to change sides. It is highly unlikely that this was a spur of the moment decision, although how exactly the defection was arranged is unknown. (I can only assure you that Alianore Audley was not involved.)

Anyway, instead of fighting Grey's men assisted the Yorkists over the ditch and stakes, and then joined them. The Lancastrian flank was thus cruelly exposed and rolled up. Within half an hour the battle was over.

Acting on orders, the Yorkist soldiers were particularly keen to hunt down and kill the enemy nobles, knights and gentlemen, while disregarding the escaping common soldiers. Buckingham, Shrewsbury, Egremont and Beaumont were all killed. Henry VI was captured in his tent and treated with due respect.

(Grey de Ruthin's grandfather, as readers of Within the Fetterlock will recall, was a strong supporter of Bolingbroke, and his mother, Constance Holland, was Henry IV's niece. It is perhaps surprising that a peer with such an impeccable Lancastrian background should defect, but he became a staunch Yorkist and was created Earl of Kent by Edward IV in 1465. He outlived the Yorkist dynasty, surviving until 1490.)

Bewrite Books, publishers of The Adventures of Alianore Audley, have a Facebook Site.

Parkin Windbreak...

...as Alianore Audley called him.

Yes, I know I messing up the orderly progression through the 15th Century by mentioning the fellow, but then again, I never promised that this Blog would be orderly, did I? Fact is I've been re-reading Anne Wroe's marvellous book, Perkin and I'd love to be able to say, 'Truly, this man was the Duke of York' or even, as second-best, 'Truly, this man was not the Duke of York.' But I can't honestly do either. I haven't a clue who he was, and frankly, I don't think Henry VII did either.

One thing that is clear though is that Sir William Stanley and John Ratcliffe, Lord Fitzwalter, believed it was possible 'Perkin' was Edward IV's son. Now these men were no fools or hot-headed youths, and certainly they had not been supporters of Richard III. Nor were they 'outs' in a political sense - Stanley for example, was Henry VII's Lord Chamberlain. They had a lot to lose, and they lost it all, by gambling on the chance that Richard Duke of York was alive and capable of toppling the government.

Another thing that occurs to me is that 'Perkin', if not York, must have been one hell of an actor. Even in these days it wouldn't be easy for a working class foreigner to pass convincingly as a British royal. In the 15th Century it would have been many multiples of times harder. I think at a minimum 'Perkin' must have been brought up in or around a court. As for the allegation he was 'forcibly' taught English while a stranger in Ireland - well, LOL is all I can say. I was 'forcibly' taught French at school, but I doubt anyone would mistake me for a French aristo.

A fascinating mystery...

New Novel on Owain Glyn Dwr

I was delighted to read, on Sharon K Penman's Blog that she is planning to write a novel about Owain Glyn Dwr. (She also says kind things about Alianore Audley, but that's another matter.)

A novel on Owain is long overdue. The last really good one was Owen Glendower by John Cowper Powys, which was published before the Second World War. While it's a 'great' book, I wouldn't describe it is accessible - in fact by comparison your average Dorothy Dunnett is a young adult short story. So I'm really looking forward to the Penman version, and to what she will make of Owain, Bolingbroke, Grey de Ruthin, Edmund Mortimer and all our old friends.

For the present though, if you've got two weeks on a beach and a burning interest in Owain, you could try the Cowper Powys account.