Parody

 The other day, for the first time in a very long time, I heard the Barbie Song. So, being me, I decided to parody it, in hour of Alianore Audley and The Mists of Middleham her newly published adventure.

I hope you enjoy it. (My usual twisted sense of humour does not appeal to all.)

Hiya, Alianore!

Hi, Roger!

Ready to go to Mass?

Sure!

Come on then!

I’m a Yorkist girl, in a Yorkist world,

We haven’t any plastic, it’s fantastic.

Never any stress, three girls to help me dress,

You have to know your station; it’s that kind of nation.

Come on Alianore! Let’s get to chapel!

Pregnant every year, no obstetric care,

Grit your teeth and pray, you know it’s just God’s way.

To work I need not go; just sit at home and sew.

Life’s not so very pleasant, but better than a peasant’s.

I have to hide my hair, or I might as well be bare.

Shave my forehead clean, naked as a bean.

It’s plucking that I hate, makes me so irate.

But it’s all the fashion, it has to be my passion.

My lord has all the cash. I cannot make a splash.

Life can oft be funny, I still don’t have no money!

At least he treats me well. No bruises you can tell.

It could be ten times worse, I could be on a hearse.

Come on Alianore, let’s go to Middleham!

Middleham is freezing; I am always sneezing.

I wait upon the Duchess, nothing there can touch us.

I can brush her hair, kneel before her chair.

It’s a super job; I’m part of Richard’s ‘blob’.

I’m a Yorkist girl, in a Yorkist world,

We haven’t any plastic, it’s fantastic.

Never any stress, three girls to help me dress,

You have to know your station; it’s that kind of nation.

Come on Alianore! Let’s ride up Coverdale!

Oh, I can’t wait, Roger!